Dining Out

Listen up, douchefags.  I'm a lil low on dough (and I mean money, not cookies) so I'm gonna teach you all an alternate way to snag some free chow.

Dumpster Diving


I know you're probably all like, "SICK, DUDE! I'm not gonna eat garbage!" Just stfu for a sec and hear me out. If you can't SEE the germs/bacteria/mold/maggots, it's probably not there.  Sack up and live a little.  Remember--I'm saving your broke ass money.

Best places to find dumpster food:

• Pizza Hut
• Petco-They're always throwing away expired Friskies cat food (hint: that shit never actually goes bad.)
• Nursing Homes (especially on macaroni Wednesday)
• Democrat Party Headquarters
• Vietnamese BBQ (This is for dog lovers)
• PacSun Outlet-They don't usually have much food, but I found this chill ass DC tee there a few days ago

Here's how it's done, son:

This one looks promising...

OH PHAT.  Some nuggets.  Chicken I think...

Damn, this is some dank nug.  They're all soggy and cold n shit.  Probably pretty nasty, which is why it's important to keep some packets of honey mustard on you at all times.  You can usually snatch these from Micky Ds or a gas station.  They'll look at you funny, but it's fucking free.  They can't do SHIT.

....

LOL

No Homo

Alright, the blogosphere is going fucking nuts over my new food blog, but I've gotten like 653 gmails from dudes who don't really "get it."  I just want to clarify: fuckingmanfood.blogspot.com is NOT about "fucking men."  I mean, I got nothing against gay dudes.  If you're gay, that's your choice.  I ain't gonna tell you how to live your life.  Just don't hit on me or anything.

Also, just wanna point out that the omelet I made last night was for DINNER, not breakfast.  Why?  Because I don't give a fuck, that's why.  Straight up.

Today I decided to whip up one of my all time favs - CEREAL.

My Mom bought me this pussy ass health cereal that tastes like sawdust/gerbil shit, but it's all I got right now.  Feel free to replace with some Crunchberries or Reeses Puffs.

You'll also notice that I'm using organic milk.  It's good for the environment or some shit.  I mean, I'm a fucking man, but I'm also like, sensitive and care about issues and deep shit like that.  

Although if you're a girl and you're reading this, you should probably use regular, non-organic milk (the hormones make your titties bigger.  [high fives, bros]  It's scientific fact.)  Also, if you're a girl, I'm not sure what you're doing here anyway.  The hos over at http://cookincutiez.blogspot.com/ have more cutesy rainbows and makeup and shopping and unicorn shit that you all like.  I've never really been there, I'm just assuming that's what it's like.

Step 1: Pack the bowl. (via potsmoking lol)

Pour your Froot Loops or Lucky Charms into the bowl.

Step 2: Milk that bitch

Pour your milk (girls remember: non-organic...titties) into the bowl.

FUCK I spilled.  

Got hella pissed and punched this wall.  Turns out spilling milk isn't that big of a deal, but can you blame me?  How the fuck was I supposed to know that?

http://cookincutiez.blogspot.com

Suck it. I mean eat shit. I mean eat the shit that I take pix of.

I know how to make food, too.  I also know how to take pictures of it.  I also know how to use the internet.  I don't believe in recipes.  They are for the weak.  Everything I do in the kitchen is pure experimentation (like your mom LOL.)  If you don't understand something I post here, tough, bro.  Figure it out.  That's how you learn.  Suck it up, a-hole.  

There are no "cutiez" allowed.  THIS IS MANFOOD.

So here's an omelet or whatever.

There's a buncha shit in there, like sauteed spinach/mushrooms, a super fresh-ass tomato, and some colby jack cheese.  Three eggs - because I ain't no two-egg pussy.

Oh yeah.  Roasted some little potatoes too.  Cut 'em up all tiny and shit, mixed 'em up in a gallon zip lock with olive oil, salt, pepper, and ground cayenne pepper.  Threw that shit in the oven on 425 for about 25 minutes...so fucking crisp and delicious.

^^^^^DrugsLOL

And yeah, that's an english muffin I threw in the toaster.  

Fuck you.

LOL